So its nearly two years since my father passed away. August 25th to be exact. Saturday evening I was visiting some family and we happened to have a conversation about my father and my grandmother. They both died weeks apart. My father first then my grandmother on September 15, 2017. We. had been talking about how my grandmother would always want a cigarette or how she would change her food tastes at times. One day she loved fried chicken and the next she would say it tasted horrible. That was my grandmother.
Anyways, we went from talking about her to talking about my father. My uncle was telling me to make him a CD of my father’s music from the 70s. Of course I have plenty made to give away just in case someone asks. In fact, months after my father died I decided I wanted to do something nice for Christmas. I offered up CDs to all family and friends at no charge whatsoever! I’d even cover the postage. I purchased about 125 blanks and sent out about 110 CDs. I included a little letter thanking them for their interest in his music. After all my father loved sharing his music with people. He would always tell me, “son make me about 10 more CDs so I can pass them out.” So he would buy me the discs and I’d sit there and make them. I had upgraded to a Mac laptop which didn’t have a CD burner. He bought me an external burner just so I could make him CDs. lol.
So Saturday while I was visiting family and talking with them about my dad I figured I’d get on the Tune-In Radio app to turn on the radio. This local station 90.1 would play my dad’s music. He was friends with the DJ. Well Right as I loaded the app and tapped play, my dad’s music was already on!!! I mean whoa!!! This made the 5th time I’ve caught his music on the air right at the same time I turned the app on. The radio station has a weak signal if you try to listen through a standard radio. So I was flattered that they played his music and that someone had requested it. The radio show is syndicated across quite a few states. Of course anyone with the app could hear. Its such an honor to hear my father’s band on the air.
At such a time when I can’t hear my father’s voice anymore physically, I still have the music. I have many of his physical 45 records stamped with the record label and all that other information. Its such an amazing feeling to have those records and to hear his voice now that he is gone. Its a true testament to his legacy. So many people tell me how great a singer he was. Always bragging about his voice and how the band perhaps played a dance for them or even their wedding. My dad’s band played for my best friends dad’s first wedding. Such amazing memories to have and to be able to hear. Makes me truly appreciate the talent my father had and how much he truly touched people with his music. One of their most prominent songs is a cover of the song Historia de Un Amor by Carlos Almaran. I’ve listened to many versions of this song on YouTube and iTunes and no one truly sang that song like my father. Perhaps Luis Miguel did but my father gave that song his own touch. So hopefully I can attach a clip of it from when I was shocked to hear it on the radio …..
I need to upgrade my blog to add video files. lol oh well. It was still nice to hear! Well if you go to the KPFT 90.1 website and go to the archives and look up the radio show Bailando in Tejas. In the August 17, 2019 archive you can hear it. Skip forward to about 2 hours and 47 minutes and just listen. Its hard to fast forward so its best to skip to that area and let it play. You’ll hear Mr Gus Garza mention The Blue-Lites Band and how he misses my father….
I’ve spent the day thinking of my father and how I took him for granted sometimes. Always thinking that no matter what he’d always be here. Now nearly two years later he’s gone and all I have are some photos and memories. Mostly the music. Its haunting to hear his voice. It calms me when I feel down. Like now. I truly believe no one could sing Historia de Un Amor the way he did. There was just something about it. The way he belted out the lyrics.
I regret never really taking photos and video with him. Now I have no kind of memories to look back on. Just things I can replay in my mind. Trying to recreate the sound of his voice. Then comes the music. It truly means the world to me to hear stories about him from those that knew him. I’ve found photos I’ve never seen. Little discoveries that mean so much in such a bad time for me.
I’ve missed my father so much since that day. I’ve tried to cope with it. I’ve done ok I think. I’ve made new friends and I’ve lost some sadly. Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell him im sorry for things I did just as ive done with friends. It was never easy for me to say im sorry. I was too late with him and in other situations the same. I’ve grown since his death. I’ve become a better person but I’ve also struggled to be a better person towards people sometimes. Sometimes I took people for granted and now they’re gone from my life. That’s a lot to take in. My father would just say “you gotta move on son and think positive.” He would tell me I’d never have to apologize to him.
I’ve always been a sentimental person. I still have many little things my father gave me. Post card from Cancun and a t-shirt. A little red Camaro like mine he found at the store as a gag gift. Gift cards he gave me when he couldn’t afford to get me much. I never expected him to anyways. I look at these little items now and think they must have meant that much to me to still have them. The birthday cards with his handwriting. His never-ending supply of Dallas Cowboys shirts( I was his supplier lol) and of course his fire department shirts. I cherish every piece of his history. Every story my uncle Pete told me about them as kids after my father was gone. Now my uncle is gone too. I have none of them left. I never thought I’d be in this situation ever. Living without them. I always said just let me go first so I wouldn’t have to endure that pain.
Im trying to get past the next few months. Its harder than I thought. So many things happening in my life and I just need to sit down and talk with him as we always did while watching Sanford and Son. Now I can’t. I try to think about what he would say but its always easier said than done to follow that advice. Ive made mistakes and hurt people recently and I feel horrible for that. All I can say is please bare with me….Im sorry. I know im not perfect but please understand that right now I need whatever support I can get to get past August 25.
Why does life have to hurt so bad? Why can’t I ever find happiness in life? I try to lead by example and do things like my father did but sometimes I fail. He always said he was so proud of me but sometimes I think why? I fucked up so much in life. I guess he could see the good in me which not too many people can. My father was a one of a kind man. He truly would have sacrificed anything to help others. Thats just why I am the same. I can just never live up to the man he was. It stresses me out but I know I can’t live my life the way he did. I have to be my own person….even if it means being alone…..I’ll always accept the challenge but will struggle with the fight!
Back in my fathers early days with his band the Blue-Lites, no one could sing this song in the title the way he did. I’ve heard so many versions of it on YouTube and Apple Music. No one compares to the way he sang it. I didn’t always listen to my father’s music. Then August 25, 2017 he suddenly died with me by his side and I had so much more appreciation for his music.
Sometimes I listen to his music and this song particularly because it reminds me of him. Its haunting to hear his music and his voice now. I wish I could find a really nice Spanish style guitar arrangement for this song so I could play it for fun. I’ve found a few but just not sure which one I like the most. Perhaps I’ll make my own arrangement.