Another year and another holiday has come nearly to an end. It seems as though the year was long and horrendous yet the holidays were very short and not sweet. I haven’t posted much on here lately. Just so much going on with life and living it. No more touring but now being a father figure. Thats pretty much full time shit right there.
Its been quite hard getting into any kind of Xmas spirit this year. What the hell is up with this weather? Across the USA and even across the pond the weather is hotter than normal. I mean people going to sport events in shorts and flip flops when it is normally cold as fuck this time of year. Its quite odd. On the up side its been great skydiving weather. Finally made it over 100 jumps! Much more comfortable with the sport now. Thats about the only good thing about the weather.
Its been what I consider the usual Texas style holiday though since coming back here for the week. Most people complain about how they hate the snow and I tell them “come to Texas, theres no fucking snow here just hell weather.” Its also true that the weather here changes when I come back. When I’m gone it will get cold AF. When I come back its like that fucker God says “oh hey Gill’s back lets jack up the temperature here.” Never fails. Every time I return to TX it gets hot. When I leave and I mean literally the same day I hop on the plane the weather goes back to cold. WTF. lol
So anyways like I was saying, I can’t really get into the holiday spirit. Not depressed at all. Quite happy with all the life changes and such. Its just that here no one has any Xmas spirit anymore. It seems like people are so caught up in just spending money on themselves and their cell phones that they can’t find enough time in the day to decorate for the holiday. So i was looking at pics friends sent me from where they live in England and across Europe and their communities and cities have a plethora, yes i said plethora lol, of decorations. Even my Russian friends sent me tons of pics of their city. As I type this one of my friends and his girlfriend are probably preparing for Xmas as its around 2 or 3pm there. So almost Xmas morning. So the only holiday lights we saw was driving through an old neighborhood where my friends and I used to hang out. Those white folks are family people and many of them still have Xmas spirit. One of them is pretty much the Clark W Griswold of the area. lol.
It is Christmas Eve morning and also my birthday. Felt pretty good to get some early wishes. So many forget with the holiday rush upon. Sadly, my friends remember more than family. My online friends that is! lol. I don’t really know how I feel about it anymore. Some people say suck it up and quit bitching but think about it……If your birthday is on lets say June 6 you will likely get presents and/or wishes from your peers. Presents are not ever expected by me by the way. So when Christmas rolls around you got your awesome birthday and then a nice Xmas. For me its “here’s your birthday and Xmas all in one.” It kinda sucks but oh well. Like I said so many say suck it up and get over it but why is it ok for others to get 2 holiday wishes and me/others only one? That selfishness people are saying I have kinda goes back on them right? Why be so shitty about it.
Anyways, like I say it doesn’t bother me much anymore but does make me think sometimes. For me the only presents I get and find as the best ever is my family and friends being around me year round. Having the friendships I have where I can chat with friends online or over a beer. I have so many friends I’ve never even met but consider them of the best friends. Hopefully one day be able to meet some of them. The best gifts a person can receive are not even really given. Its being surrounded by good people who support you no matter what you are dealing with in life. Right now I am dealing with kidney issues. Earlier this year I dealt with another health issue and hopefully it doesn’t come back. It kills many people every year.
The greatest gift I think I got this year and in a long time was from my friend Foster. He passed on months ago. Sadly taking his own life. Its hard to say that something good could come from something so terrible but his death did bring some good in my life. His gift to me was changing my outlook on life when it came to kids. True that I still don’t want marriage but his death made me see having children is truly a great gift. About 17 years ago he asked me if I would be a god father to his child. At the time they didn’t know if a boy or girl. They had a girl. Ive been part of her life since she was born. All her life she’s known me as “Uncle Gill.” Now with the unfortunate circumstances and not having any family alive to care for her I’ve become “dad.” Before my friend passed he had asked me something very random…..”hey man on the real if anything ever happens to me make sure you look after my little girl….you promise right?” His exact words. Of course I said yes. How could I say no? I hate to see her deal with all this pain right now. Her father’s death is still so fresh and they were not on the best of terms at that time. So the greatest gift I’ve been given is him giving me his blessing to look after his teenage daughter. She’s a smart kid. Already graduated from high school a year early and starting college very soon on a full scholarship. I can’t ever replace “Dad” but i can be a father figure that will try and guide her through life and all the difficult decisions she will face ahead. I had no idea what to give her for Christmas so I bought her $1000 worth of gift cards to use but even more special……I made a DVD of video I found of her father and I just being idiots. Jamming in his garage and chugging beers to moments when she was a kid and can’t possibly remember. After all she needs good memories of her dad and these I gathered she’s never seen. When I took her on my final tour leg she saw just how awesome of a life it can be and also how stressful. So seeing those videos on that DVD I think she will understand. From the very poor crappy cell phone videos we shot to high quality HD. I hope Christmas Day or whenever she decides to view it she will see just how great a life he had and how our friendship was.
So This is Christmas…..the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by John Lennon. For years I’ve listened and played this song on my guitar followed by Imagine also by John Lennon. To think when I was in my 20s I hated anything by Lennon. Now I cherish the great music he wrote and that music has become a huge part of me. One day when all the people who make my Christmas happy are gone Ill be sad and that song will be one that forever reminds me of them and that time of my life. After all, one day ill be gone. I just hope that people have nice things to say about me once I leave. I had a dream of my own death and visualized it. It was quite interesting as I saw some things I didn’t expect. Some who were huge parts of my life not there to celebrate my final days. Others I didn’t recognize. Possibly people i’ll meet in my future. The only part that was interesting is that visualizing it all I had no family of my own. Just friends and what family was left and a god daughter who looked at me as dad.
So yes This is Christmas……Happy New Year…….