Starting this post I really dont even know what to call it. I was responding to a friends blog and just prompted me to write something for myself. Gosh I hope I dont ramble on. I guess I am so caught up in my work and for my boss because well I enjoy the work and its different from what I was used to for so many years.
Tonight I was playing the song The One That Got Away. I know many people dont like the artist and im quite clear of that with people that read this blog. But really I dont give a fuck. To me music isnt just about the music or the beat. Its also about the lyrics. This song takes me back to my days a high school kid. Where I fell in love so many times and yet was always put aside by every girl I liked because I wasnt thin and muscular. I remember there was this girl named Stacy. I really liked her. I dont know why. She was cute. Pretty blue eyes. I think thats what it was lol. I have a thing for blue and green eyes. (yeah yeah bite me). So I remember this girl and I had been quite good friends. We hung out alot outside of school. Later I found out it was mostly because she liked my friend Jay. I remember I used to have my own phone in my room. I thought I was some GQ mother fucker because I had a phone in my room. God that was sooooo long ago and I can tell you the phone number too……232-2977 LOL. sad eh!! I had this cheesy Radio Shack phone but that fucking thing worked. I remember sitting on that son of a bitch all night talking to a few girls. Like I said, I couldnt get dates but I had plenty of female friends. So anyways, Stacy had said to come over to her house. She knew I played guitar and well she asked me if I knew how to play Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx. I was like….of course thats easy. So I walked over to her house one weekend night around 10pm or so. We sat on her grass and talked and just enjoyed the cool evening. Then she asked me to play the song. So i did. I even sang that mother fucker! lol I swear to you my voice isnt the same anymore. Im more of a metal singer now lol. Anyways she liked it and so did her sister who came out and heard me playing it. lol Her sister was about 3-4 years older.
After that night I was kinda confident that maybe she liked me…..Then she met my friend Jay and well I was out of the picture in 2 seconds flat! I remember one night she asked Jay and I to walk to her house. So we did. Then later I saw them kiss. You know that feeling when you really like someone and you find out they dont feel the same way for you? Yeah thats how I felt and it hurt bad. It was really the first time I had felt such pain. I just walked away and let them be. I knew she liked him and well he just wanted to get laid. Its kinda funny because he went out with her like twice and never even did anything with her. She later found out she didnt like him as much. Still though I was hung up on her. We never talked anymore. That same night that I walked away I went home and I cried. Not alot but I did cry. My parents werent home. dont know where they were but they wasnt hoome that weekend so I went into my room, turned on the tv and cried. I curled up into a ball on my bed and cried myself to sleep. I woke and was still upset. I took my guitar and I was so mad I threw it on the floor snapping the neck. I didnt care. I was hurt. I tore all my posters off my wall and I thought of cutting my wrists. All over a girl. WOW!!!
I later recovered from that horrific event lol and in my junior year of high school Stacy and I became friends again on a more appropriate level. See we rode the same bus, lived not far from one another and had two classes together. I think I just grew up and realized I didnt need to be a dork. I was the class nerd when it came to computers. I even helped her with compputer shit. About a year ago being curious and looking up people from high school I found her. So i figured I would drop her a simple message. All I said was…..Hey Stacy, Its Gill from back in high school. I just signed up for facebook and found you among all the others from our school. Just wanted to say hi and I hope you are doing well in life after all these years. Take care….pretty much that was it. Two days later she messaged me back and we chatted back and forth a few times. I never asked her to add me as a friend nor did she ask me to add her. I just left it at that. Finding out that she was doing well was a closing in that chapter of my wild crazy life. I knew she was doing well and that was end of story!
Now your probably wondering why I mentioned the song at the beginning of this post. Here is why. The lyrics of the song sort of remind me of a fantasy or a dream. She says: “in another life I would be your girl….” My interpretation of that is as if not her but a female in general saying that to a guy. That we cant be together but we can be friends but maybe in another life we could be together. Sort of reincarnation. Could happen. But the interpretation of that is a nice thought when you love someone and they dont love you back the same way. She then says…..”in another life I could make you stay”……sort of like me being the guy where maybe I didnt like the way things were going and I decided to get up and leave and she wanted me to stay. Where you wish that you could make someone stay a part of your life but they just cant or wont. It all comes down to a fantasy where you dream of the pefrect love that many of us feel we never will get. She ends the verse with “so I dont have to say you were the one that got away….” Maybe the song was written in a female context saying to a man but even as a man I hate to say about a woman that she is the one that got away. I know that feeling all too well.
An exgirlfriend reads this blog from time to time and she is a good friend but thats all we really amounted to. I think in the beginning we really liked one another but we didnt have much in common besides sex or lust I should say. I look at it now and we do have somethings in common but its not just that. I also have insecurities and moods. Things that some people just cant deal with. I’d like to say I still love her the way I once did but to be honest my feelings have changed. Yes I still love her but its different now and i’d always want her to be safe and in a good relaltionship. Sadly I cant be that person but I can accept that. In life we have to accept that people come and go and some become a part of our lives not to be our partnet but to change us. Thus I believe this is why she came into mine.
As I sit here for a moment and read that last paragraph its hard to read it because although I never thought I would write those thoughts I think she knows these thoughts already. Because in Katy’s song it is a fantasy because as much as we would like to make someone stay we cant always make that happen. The song tells a story. In many ways I imagined my life turning out like that song. Falling in love, getting matching tattoos and going from there lol. the closest im getting to matching tattoos is Katy’s peppermint on my wrist very soon. lol. Still the song on the album is different. The feel is more upbeat. Take the acoustic version without all the drums and effects and just a clean acoustic guitar and you get a beautiful piece of music. It makes you wonder about your life and where you have been over all the years. For me it takes me back to high school and after and past relationships and into my current life. Many of my friends say I have the hottest boss lol. Sure I have a crush on her. Who wouldnt. But that song reminds me of my past and even leads me into my future. At 36 I really cant see myself having a wife and kids now because I am too old. Ive grown accustomed to catering to myself and I have gotten greedy with my time. I’d rather just be with someone and not have to worry about kids….well my cats are my kids….SchmuckTheCat, HeathcliffTheCat, BuckyTheCat, GarfieldTheCat, Mia Von Meow The Cat…etc….yeah yeah i have alot of cats. When you come home to no one there those cats are a welcoming amount of joy. From their meow meow meows for whiskas to their lazy asses all over the bed. lol. They are my critters.
I dont really know what else to say. The One That Got Away is a beautifully constructed song that makes you think about your past and your future. Maybe you wont see it that way but then again I decipher music differently because I am an artist/musician. I write music and play it. People that dont play it cant really understand the spectrum of feelings a song can give you because you dont feel the song entirely. You enjoy it…jam it…but you cant really feel it 100%. Its become one of my favorite songs to play acoustically. Ive been asked to do a video of it so I probably will. We shall see. So I guess by now I have decided to use a title for this post that I figure is fitting….so anyways, ill add some kind of pic below and hope you enjoyed reading this. Got the Nick Kids Choice Awards this weekend and then I leave for India. So Ill definitely be away. I’d also like to personally thank very much my friend Denis who comes here to read my blogs often. Sometimes I never know who reads because I get no respoonses except from him. Even if he didnt respond I would still post. But I truly thank you Denis for taking time out of your day to come here and read my thoughts. I greatly appreciate it! Much respect bro!
for now I bid you all farewell and I hope to post something again soon. I really need to get my stanky ass up in da shower and get some shut eye. oh wait i still need to see New Girl again lol. ok sleep will have to wait.
Carpe Diem friends!