Just A Quick Post….

Lately I have been feeling pretty down. Its hard to imagine someone that I looked up to and shared great memories with is gone. I guess I will never get over that. Most people dont get over death, they just learn to cope. I think right now I am in that coping stage. I can find myself being happy as ever during the day and the next moment i break out in tears thinking of Paul. Not only as a human being but also his music impacted me. Having the utmost pleasure of knowing him……it was an honor. I always thought of his laugh as sort of a Butt-head laugh. lol. I find myself jamming to the music as hard as before and yet when its over i feel about as weak and sad as a person that just lost someone.

I think for me I need more closure. I need to go back to visit his grave and say somethings I never got to say before. Things I never got to say before he died. We tend to take for granted the people in our lives imagining they will always be there throughout our entire life then they are gone. Nothing in life ever prepares you for that. Nothing. I always have this macho persona and I keep things bottled up for so long. Lately I think those feelings need to come out. I cant discuss those feelings with all of you. Many of you wont understand or wont even care to understand. Ive tried to talk to some about it but hesitated because i’d probably just get rolling eyes. I really cant talk to anyone about everything because who can really relate to it all? I’d figure only someone that cared for the guy as much as I did could understand. I wish I could be on that motorcycle in Switzerland again taking that 300+ mile journey into the Swiss Alps. Views to die for which I spend moments thinking about these things. I videoed a few parts of those roads for myself and to one day share with others. You all see the beauty of this little country through my camera eye, reference to Rush, but my mind was on other things. Like one instance where I nearly forgot how to brake and downshift on the bike when a large group of people was crossing the street near Interlaken.

I wont rant on and on but to those of you who have loved ones you really care about which should be all of you lol…..dont take them for granted. One day they will not be here. Spend all the time with those people as you can. I wish I could have but thats just not how the cards were played. All I can do is cope with that and hope to god, allah….or who ever that there is a better place than this. Life is too short. Now as I bid you all a goodnight im off to shower, read on the kindle a bit and then go to sleep. Need to buy some Arctic Silver 5 to see if that helps my PC CPU.

Goodnight friends. SOrry I dont have pics to post. I do but since i have been re-working on my system I dont have everything organized just yet.


3 responses to “Just A Quick Post….

  1. Hey bro, I hope you get stronger over time
    I think you should somehow realize that your pain cant bring him back, it can only bring hold you down.
    You should summarize all the good memories, and always when you feel sad about his death, repeat all those good things through your head and refill your energy with it.
    Like you jam to music, and say before that: I play this in honour of my bro Paul, and he wanted people make better through his music, so I will feel better and stronger after this. Paul would not like anyone to feel sad after playing/listening music, he would like to feel energized and better, stronger. You would want the same thing too.

    I think it is good idea to visit his grave. If you loose/miss someone, sometimes you can make your peace with him in your mind, on telephone or visiting his grave, or speaking with his/her closest family members.

    I think many people or maybe all people lost someone: close friend, family member or anyone-even a famous rockstar or something-maybe it counts too-depends how much the person knew the rockstar/ or just idolized / or just the music means very much to that person-so I think YES it counts. Everyone has different way to show it, some people get over after few days, some not even after years.
    But everyone should realize that it is part of life-natural death or accident, killed or by drugs. It does not matter, if we keep those good thing people gave us while they were alive- and in your and ours case-our loved Paul left us Slipknots music and albums and to people who knew him personaly-he left much more-you told us about that in your previous posts. So -my advice again-keep those good memories, remind you about being happy to know him, remind yourself in the same time that you have A LIFE to continue living on-and should be greatfull for every moment you live. I think every dead person-if he could come back and give you one more advice: live your life to the fullest!!! or better to define like this: enjoy your life! We cant live our live every day to the fullest-we cant do things we love every day of our lives, but we can reach every day to do that-to make dreams and plans come true. And when we cant do that-we should forget the worries, the depressing feeling, negative energy or anything else that brings us down. BECAUSE we really have no real reason to be sad or down.

    And I somethimes videotape or take pics of some days, of anything that reminds me of some important moments of my life. I watch them later to get into the same thoughts I was back then. It helps to re-think about anything that bothers me or that I find enjoyful and good. It is great way.

    Keep updating about switching that MOBO on your PC on Facebook.

    Keep strong, head up bro and I hope I could give you some advice and help you somehow to feel better 8))
    many greeting and hear ya

  2. i understand your pain i have lost several very important people in my life and the pain never completely goes away, you just learn ways to deal or cope with it. I think about them often especially on their birthdays or holidays…but i try to remember the happy times and to think that they are in a much happier place then this POS we call earth. I don’t cry for them, cause it will not bring them back and they wouldn’t want me to be sad.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s